HOORAY!

Welcome to my world, feel the weight of it grinding down again

Hello poor neglected blog. Long time no posts! I'm going to try to keep this short b/c who REALLY wants to read my yammering? Maybe I'll do bulletin points instead of actually trying to make sense of the stuff floating around in my head...

**I've been writing this since 2/25/09 and I think it's time to finish it - the phones aren't ringing at work so I'm going to try to finish this while I work on a boooring project.**

• It's been over two weeks since I've seen my doctor about my depression/sadness/blah-ness. She put me on Wellbutrin XL because it's the least likely to make me gain weight. I've started to feel better already! I'm glad I took the advice that everyone gave me! Depression is nothing to be ashamed about, it does not make me defective or less of a person. Admitting you need help really IS the first step.
• Telling J I was going to talk to my doctor about antidepressants was hard. I thought he'd stop loving me or something! (I'm nutzo - I know! ) He took it really well (why wouldn't he?) and has been very supportive of me.
• Wedding planning is going well! Exceptionally well! We had a tasting with our caterer on Satuday that went really well. The food is going to be YUMMY!
• We have some homework to do for our wedding celebrant (a questionnaire about why we love each other, etc.) (check here to see what the HECK that means!)
• We're doing Handfasting! I'm SO stoked about that. We found a wonderful Celebrant who is writing a custom ceremony for us. He was excited about it! He understood our need/want for a secular ceremony and is going to incorporate nature instead of God! How friggin cool is that?!
• The weather yesterday was horrible. Sure everything looked beautiful but driving was a beast! Driving a rental doesn't help! I couldn't figure out how to get the seat back to a resonable angle from "Gangsta". :(
• Our (5 month old!) car had to have her badonkadonk replaced b/c some asshat hit her while I was in the library and they DIDN'T LEAVE A NOTE! She's all better now, and I'm going to do everything I can to keep her that way!
• I've been getting lots of books from SwapTree. It's helping to clear out the books/DVDs we had that we no longer wanted. I want to go through my CDs again this weekend and maybe get rid of some of them. J was pouting this morning b/c I'm giving his stuff (that he told me to) away, and I'm getting books/CDs I want. I told him to set up an account and then he can list his books and get what he wants for them! haha
• I need to email my florist (We're only have my bouquet made as well as smaller nosegay thingers for the Moms & J's Granny) because he still hasn't sent me a quote and it's been about 2 weeks. SIGH!

Well that's about it...

I feel like crap. I have a whole list of complaints that I'll spare the 2.7 people that will read this but I'll just say that I'm glad to be going to the doctor tomorrow. I normally DREAD the Dr. because it means needles and blood and I hate those 2 things.

I'm also going to try to give up sugar and processed foods. I feel like poo 24/7 and I'm tired of it. I was loosing weight pretty good there for a minute and now it's all back and it brought friends. I want to fit in my wedding dress and I want to be able to hike with J in Maine in August. Right now neither will happen.

I've been drinking so much Coke lately and that may be why I feel like crap. I'm terrified of becoming diabetic b/c it usually requires being poked with needles EVERY.DAY.! I'd die if I had to do that.

Also, why is the first thing people ask when I say I don't feel good "Are you pregnant"? I just don't get it.  (BTW - I'm not!)

It's almost time to go home... YAY!

If you woke up in my bed, tell me then would you hold me

This weekend was bittersweet. On Sunday J's parents came down to visit us, and then later in the day I called my Mom. Those two events define the bittersweet. J's parents LOVE our venue, and my Mom couldn't care any less about anything related to our wedding. I'm heartbroken. She doesn't even pretend to care or be interested. I don't know what to do. I'm fairly sure it's because she misses my Dad but I can't understand why she wouldn't even want to talk about it. I'm so upset by the way she's been lately.

Let me explain. J's parents invited us (my Mom & I) to their house for Christmas Day Dinner. I asked my Mom if she'd like to go and she said "You can go, I'll stay home alone". I NEVER gave her the impression that I wasn't spending Christmas Day with her. I said that I'd spend time on Christmas Eve with J's family and then either go to her house later Christmas Eve or go over early Christmas Day. It was like a slap in the face for her to imply that I was leaving her alone. Yes, I'll admit I spend more time with J's family but that's only because we stay with them when we visit and they have family get togethers, my family does not. It's definitely NOT that I enjoy their company more; yes, I do love spending time with them, but not more than my own family.

I guess I just feel like she feels that I don't miss my Dad as much because I haven't put my life on hold. Yes, I went on vacation in July after he passed and YES, I'm getting married next year. We are not planning it for May (so it won't be near the 1 year anniversary of his passing), nor November (the 6 month mark). We're getting married in SEPTEMBER! I don't know what to do, or what to say to her. I want her to be there when I try on dresses, I want her to come see our venue (it's GORGEOUS), I want her to be excited but all I get is sadness. Is this normal? Should I say something or just do it all with J's mom? (I don't want my Mom to blame me for her regretting not doing this stuff with me. I'm not going to force her to do anything, but I REALLY get the vibe she's not interested.)

HELP!!!!

ANYWHOODLE!...

I think I found my wedding shoes... CHECK THEM OUT! :D Our venue is outside (If it rains, I'll stab someone!), so it might be muddy and I'd love to wear boots. I hate heels and they'd probably sink in the ground. I plan to get a floor length dress so you won't really see them, but they are PERFECT. (I'm starting to think I'm the definition of anti-bride! )

I'll take some pictures of some of the things we've gotten worked out (memorial candles, save the dates, thank you cards, etc.) and post them. I'll post all of that stuff here because I don't want everyone to see it yet! I'm getting excited but the above "issue" is kinda making me a Debbie Downer today. I'm being incredibly mean to my coworkers and I'm just not in a pleasant mood.

I'm wishing that Christmas would be over. Monday (the 22nd) is our work Holiday Luncheon (gag). Thankfully, it's during work hours!

I had better run. I have work (YUCK) to get done! :(

Currently Noel By Josh Groban It came upon a midnight clear see related